


I could teleport to the stars, kinda strange that I'm all alone

by blahblahblahcollapse



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: (but only kinda?), Blood, Broken Bones, Hospital, Isolation, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, The Upside Down, but I'm trying?, i swear i'll never learn how to tag things, if there's anything you think should be tagged lmk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 22:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15850305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blahblahblahcollapse/pseuds/blahblahblahcollapse
Summary: “Don’t fucking die out there.” Steve said, hoping Billy would read between the lines and hear what he really meant - I love you.“Don’t fucking die in here,” Billy answered - I love you too - and stood up. Steve nodded and closed his eyes as Billy’s fingers carded through his hair once, and when he opened them again, Billy was gone.





	I could teleport to the stars, kinda strange that I'm all alone

**Author's Note:**

> Is this bad? I can't tell.
> 
> It's been sitting in my drafts for too long and I just needed to finish it.
> 
> Idea came from Mags ([letshargroovetonight](https://letshargroovetonight.tumblr.com/)) literal months ago. She's a gem! <3
> 
> (title from the song Murakami by Made in Heights)

Steve is going to be sick. He’s staring down at what he’s pretty sure is his fibula, splintered and jutting out of the front of his calf. It’s numb, adrenaline enough to ease the pain, but he can see his _own_ _fucking bone_. Bones are supposed to be on the inside of your body, hidden away beneath muscle and flesh, not out in plain sight like this. Bile gets stuck in his throat as blood seeps out of the open wound. With trembling fingers he reaches down to tighten the makeshift tourniquet Billy had tied below the knee.

_ Billy _ .

He’s not sure where Billy is, doesn’t have a clue how long he’s been gone. They’d been fighting off a swath of demodogs down here in the Upside Down, and the fight was in their favor, until suddenly it wasn’t. It’s difficult to remember the details, but it all went south when two demodogs barreled toward him from either side - one going low, straight for his leg, while the other went for his head. They were too quick, giving him no time to block both, so he went for the one coming at his head. The side of his bat barely connected with the demodog’s face before he went toppling to the ground. White-hot pain seared up his leg as it cracked beneath the pressure of not only the teeth of the demodog gnawing at it but the full weight of its body as well.

One second he was lying on the ground, bracing himself for the end, and the next Max was standing over him, the crowbar in her hands dripping a thick, dark liquid - demodog blood.

“You okay?” she asked, eyes tracking the movements around them, ever alert.

“Yeah, I think so,” Steve lied. His leg was burning where the now dead demodog pinned it to the ground. He tried to shove it off but the angle forced his leg too far in the wrong direction. Pain shot all the way back to his spine and up into his head, causing his vision to white out for a second. Max bent down in front of him and pushed at the lump of slimy flesh, trying to dislodge him.

“Guys, c’mon, this area’s too overrun, we gotta get out of here!” Dustin’s voice broke through the pounding of adrenaline in Steve’s ears.

“Help me get this thing off of Steve!” Max shouted back. All Steve felt was more pain, followed by a rush of blood to his head that made him woozy, and then the heavy weight over his lower half was gone.

“Fuck!’ Dustin shrieked. “Oh fuck! Fuck! Max, do you see that?”

“Calm down!” Max yelled back at him. “Yes, I see it. Steve, give me your bandana.” Steve didn’t respond - too distracted by the sight of blood pouring out around what he was pretty sure was his own bone. He barely registered Max reaching up to untie the bandana around his neck and carefully lifting his leg to wrap it around just below his knee.

“Shit,” she cursed under her breath. “It’s not long enough.”

“What the fuck happened?”  _ Billy _ . His voice was uncharacteristically shrill as he came up behind Max and dropped to his knees at Steve’s side.

“Demodog,” Max answered. “We need to tie off his leg, to slow the bleeding. Do you have something longer?” Billy searched himself frantically, then shrugged off his denim jacket and used his hunting knife to hack away one of the sleeves. Working quickly, but gingerly, he wrapped it around Steve’s leg and tied it. Another shot of pain went up Steve’s leg as Billy pulled the knot tight, causing him to suck in a breath through his teeth, eyes clenched.

“Steve, you okay? You still with us?” Billy asked, reaching out to cup a hand around Steve’s neck.

“I can see my bone…” was all Steve could manage to say in response as he opened his eyes again to look down at his leg.

“Steve, look at me,” Billy said, grip tightening. “You’re gonna be okay, alright? It’s just a broken leg. We’ll get you patched up as soon as we’re out of here.” Steve tore his eyes away from his leg and searched Billy’s face for the uncertainty that was absent from his voice, trying to find the lie in his words; but all he found was the same fiery determination Billy always displayed when faced with danger.

“Guys?” Dustin said from somewhere behind Billy’s head. “We’ve really gotta go.” Billy turned to look at Dustin, and beyond him Steve could see a line of demodogs approaching, the backs of a few other party members drawing closer as they did their best to fend them off.

“Alright,” Billy turned back to Steve, eyes calculating as they raked over him. “Dustin, you get on his other side.” Dustin hopped over to Steve’s left side and tossed an arm over his shoulder.

“Think you can walk?” Billy asked, ducking under Steve’s right arm and wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Sure,” Steve nodded. He wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t about to admit that.

“Billy, there’s no way that’s going to-” Max started but Billy’s returning glare silenced her. Pain licked up Steve’s leg when he accidentally put weight on it in the shift to stand and his knees buckled beneath him.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, stomach rolling with nausea. Billy’s fingernails dug into his side as he bore most of Steve’s weight, trying to keep him from collapsing again.

“C’mon, we gotta go.” Billy said quietly in his ear, voice shaking with exertion, and Steve nodded again, bending his left leg up to keep it off the ground as he hopped forward.

They managed to make a little headway like that, but it wasn’t enough.

“Just leave me behind,” Steve said after nearly toppling over for the fourth time. “I’m slowing you down…” Exhaustion was pulling at the edges of his consciousness, blurring his vision and reaching out into his limbs, weighing him down and begging him to stop.

“Shut up, Harrington.” Billy bit back.

“We’re not leaving you behind.” Dustin said firmly.

“Listen, I’m not going to be the reason you guys die here,” Steve argued.

“You’ve got that right,” Billy grunted. “Now shut up so we can figure out how.”

“We need El,” Dustin said.

“Yeah, well, she’s not exactly here, is she?” Billy responded.

“No, but she’s not that far,” Dustin’s know-it-all voice was coming out now. “What if we leave Steve here and go find her?”

“I’m not fucking leaving him,” something in Billy’s voice was almost feral, his arm tightening around Steve’s waist protectively.

“We have to if we want to get out of here,” Dustin replied. “Look - we can hide him in there, those damn things will be too distracted by us to notice him.” Steve followed the line of Dustin’s arm to the closed door of a utility closet.

“No way,” Billy shook his head.

“Billy,” Steve croaked out.

“Listen, shithead-“ Dustin started.

“Shithead? Seriously? We’re calling each other names now?” Billy interrupted. “Listen, asshole, I don’t care what shitty excuse you wanna throw at me, I’m not leaving St-“

“Billy!” Steve shouted as loudly as he could, cutting him off.

“Steve?” Billy asked, attention going immediately back to Steve.

“Dustin’s right,” Steve said. “None of us are getting out of here like this. This is our best chance for survival.”

“Steve…” it came out as a whisper that time, the first sign of fear creeping into Billy’s eyes as he held Steve’s gaze.

“We don’t have time to argue.” Steve shook his head. “Stop being an idiot. Get me into that closet, you can barricade it from the outside.” Billy opened his mouth to protest.

“Now.” Steve said firmly, and then a little more softly - “ _ Please. _ ”

“Alright, let’s go.” Billy finally, reluctantly, conceded with a nod, and they made their way to the utility closet. The door was caked in the usual grimy, sticky matter that covered everything in the Upside Down, but there was no resistance when they pulled it open. It was a bit of an awkward scramble, getting themselves through the small doorway and situating Steve on the floor beneath some shelves without jostling his leg too much.

“Here, take my knife,” Billy said, grabbing the hunting knife out of the scabbard at his side and holding it out for Steve.

“No, you need that.” Steve tried to wave it off.

“No, you do,” Billy insisted, forcing it into Steve’s hand. “If one of those things gets in here, you’re going to need something with closer range than that bat. I’ll be fine, I’ve got other options.” Steve huffed irritatedly, but he accepted the knife anyway - this wasn't a battle he could win. Billy hesitated a moment, like he wanted to say something else but didn’t know how. Or maybe he couldn’t.

This thing between them - Steve wasn’t entirely sure what to call it. It started out as friendship - a fragile, reluctant bond that started out of sheer necessity when Billy stumbled into the fight against the Upside Down. And then it bloomed into something much deeper than either boy had bargained for. A bond that evolved from having each other’s backs in a fight to patching each other up afterwards to spending nights slumped together on Steve’s couch. The hum of late night TV and Billy’s warm weight against Steve’s side the only thing that could quiet Steve’s brain enough to let him sleep.

Whatever this thing was between them, Billy was extremely protective of it. Steve couldn’t really blame him. Billy’s past actions had left a rift between him and the party, one he worked tirelessly to plaster over; but his spot in the group remained a tentative thing. And Billy knows how much the party means to Steve, knows they’re like his second family and he’d do absolutely anything for any one of them. It only makes sense that he’d be nervous about revealing his hand too quickly, potentially giving them the power to take Steve away from him.

That wouldn’t happen, of course. Steve’s in love with Billy - has been for a while. The only person with the power to force him away from Billy’s side is Billy himself.

“Stay put, we’ll be back soon.” Billy said in lieu of whatever he was thinking and glanced back at Dustin, who was standing in the doorway keeping watch.

“Where exactly do you think I’m gonna go?” Steve scoffed, earning an exaggerated eye-roll from Billy. Still, a small grin graced his lips, so Steve counted it as a win.

“Hey…” Steve touched Billy’s arm as he moved to stand up, effectively stopping him. Blue eyes met his gaze, sharp and revealing the barest hint of fear again. Steve swallowed, throat dry despite the warm, humid air surrounding them. He couldn’t get himself to say it - the words that sat at the back of his tongue every time Billy smiled or laughed or laid his head on Steve’s lap while they watched TV.  _ I love you _ .

“Billy!” Dustin called from the doorway. “We’ve got company!” Steve squeezed his arm once before letting go and Billy stared at him for another beat, reluctant as ever to walk away.

“Don’t fucking die out there.” Steve said, hoping Billy would read between the lines and hear what he really meant -  _ I love you _ .

“Don’t fucking die in here,” Billy answered -  _ I love you too _ \- and stood up. Steve nodded and closed his eyes as Billy’s fingers carded through his hair once, and when he opened them again, Billy was gone.

And now he has no clue how long Billy’s been gone.

It’s quiet outside. It wasn’t when they first left. Even through the heavy door he could hear the snarls of the demodogs and the squelch of flesh and bone as the party fought them off. But it’s been quiet for a while now. The kind of quiet that allows your mind to wander, makes your ears ring cause there’s nothing else to distract them.

It feels like it’s been hours - too long for them to still be gone. He can’t imagine it would take this long to find Eleven. She wasn’t that far from their group. Something must have happened, and they’re not coming back for him. Panic flickers to life in his chest as the myriad of reasons they wouldn’t come back for him play over in his head. He knows at the very least that Billy wouldn’t leave him behind unless -  _ Unless _ . He chokes back the acidic taste that surges up his throat with the rolling of his stomach.

Maybe this is it - this is how it ends for him. Trapped in a closet in the Upside Down with his bones on the outside of his body. If he doesn’t die of blood loss or infection - starvation will get him. There’s no way he can move from this spot on his own.

Maybe it’s better this way, if something really has happened to his friends - to Billy. Not just because he can’t imagine existing in a world where they don’t, but they’re the only thing left standing between the Upside Down and the rest of the world. The future looks pretty bleak from where he sits if they’re gone.

Steve hasn’t lived the richest life - but the truth is, in this moment, he can’t think of a single thing he regrets. Not a moment he spent with the party, not a smoke he shared with Joyce, not a single one of the three kisses he’s stolen from Billy Hargrove’s lips since this inexplicable thing between them started. Okay, maybe he regrets not kissing Billy more. All of that time dancing around it and being terrified of a rejection he knows now was never coming seems like such a goddamn waste. There are at least a dozen times he could have kissed Billy and didn’t. Looking back now, he really wishes he had. Three is such a miniscule number.

Exhaustion begins to overpower his anxiety, fatigue settling into his bones and weighing him down again. He’d been fighting it, trying to stay awake until the others came back. But now he’s not sure if they’ll ever be back, so what’s the point? Maybe if he’s lucky he’ll just sleep through the end of it all…

-

It’s impossible to say just how long his eyes have been closed when he hears a familiar voice cutting through the haze of his half-asleep brain.

_ Dustin. _

“Steve!” he’s close. Steve tries to open his eyes, to figure out if this is real or if he’s dreaming...or maybe hallucinating. But they’re too heavy. There’s a dull ache making its way up his leg from his calf, and he thinks someone may be applying pressure there.

“We gotta get him out of here.” Dustin’s voice is closer now.

“Dust…” Steve croaks, reaching a hand out in search of him.

“Hey, Steve, it’s okay, we’re gonna get you out of here.” Fingers curl around his palm and squeeze. Steve wants so badly to open his eyes, to see Dustin’s face, to confirm that he’s really there in front of him, that this isn’t just some cruel hallucination, but he’s slipping. He can’t do anything but let the fatigue drag him down, away from Dustin’s fingers pressed into his hand, away from the sound of his voice as he tries to reassure Steve that everything will be okay.

-

He wakes to the feeling of fingers still pressed into his palm, to harsh white light assaulting his eyes when he tries to open them. They’re not too heavy anymore, but the light sends pain shooting from the backs of his eyes up into the top of his head. He groans, the sound catching in the cakey feeling that coats his throat, and shifts onto his side. With the lights no longer directly in his eyes, he’s able to open them and take in the sight of blonde curls resting beside his hand - his hand that’s wrapped up in Billy’s.

He watches Billy sleep for a minute, afraid to move or look away, afraid that this is all in his imagination and if he lets Billy out of his sight again he'll lose him for good.

“Billy?” he finally gets up the courage to speak, his voice barely above a whisper, too hoarse to get any real volume behind it. Billy stirs anyway, fingers tightening around Steve’s hand and head popping up to meet his gaze. He looks exhausted, eyes puffy and rimmed with red, creases from the blanket etched into his face where it had been pressed up against them for too long. Steve’s heart aches.  _Billy's alive. Billy's safe. Billy's here._

“Steve?” Billy whispers back in amazement.

“Is this…” Steve croaks out, voice still rough but louder this time. “Are we real?” Billy makes a funny face at that, eyebrow raised and mouth scrunched up in a combination of confusion and amusement.

  
“Real as we’ve ever been,” he answers slowly, nodding once.

“I thought for sure...” Steve winces as the words catch in his throat, blinking back the tears it brings to his eyes. Before he can finish his thought, though, he’s distracted by the sight of white gauze taped to the side of Billy’s neck.

“Jesus christ, Billy, what the hell happened?” he asks, surging forward to grab Billy by the jaw and turn his head so he can see the bandage better.

  
“Oh, this?” Billy shrugs. “It’s nothing, really. Just a flesh wound.” He’s grinning when Steve looks at his face again. Steve would be annoyed - except their faces are so close now that he can feel Billy’s breath against his cheek and all he can think about is how miniscule a number three is.

Billy’s gaze drops to Steve’s lips for a moment and then he meets Steve’s eyes again, searching for confirmation that this is okay. Steve smiles and closes the gap between them, pressing his lips to Billy’s.

The kiss is cut short by the shrill “Steve!” coming from behind Billy’s head. Billy’s face is beet red when he pulls back, but Steve doesn’t have time to tease him about it before Dustin is bounding into the room. He pushes Billy out of the way and knocks the air right out of Steve’s lungs as he lands on top of him.

“Hey…” Steve says on a laugh, reaching up to pat Dustin’s head as the boy hugs him around the shoulders.

“You scared the shit out of us!” Dustin exclaims. “Billy, especially.”

“Yeah, Hopper’s got a whole bunch of new, colorful words to try and remove from El’s vocabulary now.” Max adds as she appears at Billy’s side, resting an elbow on his shoulder. Steve laughs at that, and Billy doesn’t even have the decency to look the slightest bit guilty - offering a smirk and a little shrug of his shoulder instead.

“How long was I out, anyway?” Steve asks.

“Two days,” Billy answers, the quirk of his lips wavering. Steve instinctively reaches for him, fingers brushing the back of his hand where it’s resting on the bed. The way Billy flinches a bit at the contact shouldn’t sting, but it does. Steve pulls his hand away, hoping Billy can read the apology in his eyes.

Billy calls the nurse in, who then brings in several doctors, and the group is asked to step outside for a bit while they run some tests and check Steve over. Once they’re done, they let them back in and Dustin makes himself comfortable on the bed next to Steve, while Max and Billy pull up chairs to sit beside the bed.

It’s another hour of Dustin relaying the events that occurred while Steve waited in that utility closet - Max chiming in with her own additions or corrections to his retelling. Billy does his best to look bored by the whole thing, but Steve can’t help noticing the way he keeps watching him, like he’s trying to make sure Steve is really okay.  Steve wants to reassure him that he's okay - because he is. He's alive, and all of the people he cares most about are alive. He can't imagine being more okay than he is right now.

When the nurse comes in to check Steve’s vitals again and announce that visiting hours are over, Dustin pulls every card in the book to try and convince her to let him stay. But she’s not biting.

“You can come back in the morning,” she says as she leans down to check Steve’s urine output.

“Okay, okay,” Dustin rolls his eyes and Steve glares at him.

“Don’t be an ass, I raised you better than that,” he says, and Dustin redirects his eye roll to him as the nurse leaves the room.

“Alright, twerps, you heard the lady,” Billy says, standing up and rubbing his hands over his jeans to straighten them out. “Let’s get.” Anxiety grips at Steve's chest then. He doesn't want them to leave, wants to beg the nurse to let them stay. He  _knows_ that everyone's fine, but he's terrified of being alone again, of having to wonder if they're reallycoming back.

“We’re coming back first thing tomorrow, right?” Dustin asks as he hops down from his spot beside Steve.

“Course,” Billy nods. “Bet everyone else’ll be anxious to see Steve, too.”

“Alright,” Dustin still looks hesitant but Steve does his best to smile reassuringly at him.

“I’ll still be here tomorrow, man,” he says, gesturing at his leg where it’s hidden underneath the bed sheets. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere without you carting my ass around.”

“Can I sign your cast?” Dustin asks, grinning.

“Sure,” Steve nods. “But  _ just _ your name.” The last thing he needs is a bunch of poorly drawn dicks all over his leg.

“Cool,” Dustin nods back. “Well, see ya tomorrow.” He gives Steve’s shoulder one final pat and then turns to leave the room with Max, who offers a little wave and a smile before following him out.

Billy takes a few steps toward the doorway and then stops, glancing out the door at Max and Dustin as they head down the hall and then turning back to look at Steve.

“Hop called your parents, by the way,” he says, stuffing his hands into his pockets like he isn’t sure what to do with them. “Told them you’d been in an accident. The earliest flight they could get out is tomorrow.”

“Why’d he do that?” Steve asks, equal parts horror and irritation twisting in his gut.

“You were out for two days,” Billy answers with a shrug, an action that comes across more defeated than nonchalant. “We didn’t know for sure how long you’d be out. They needed to know.”

“Okay,” Steve responds. He doesn’t like the idea of dealing with his parents’ questions on top of everything else, but he gets it. He watches Billy carefully for a moment before reaching out a hand toward him.

“C’mere,” he whispers. Billy glances back out the door, and then crosses the few feet to stand at Steve’s side again. He slips his hand into Steve’s and squeezes as Steve pulls it up to his mouth so he can place a kiss on Billy’s knuckles.

“Thank you,” Steve says, looking up at Billy again - whose eyes are suddenly wet with tears. He blinks a few times, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he draws in a shaky breath, and then he collapses at Steve’s side. His arms circle around Steve’s shoulders and he buries his face in Steve’s neck, tears wetting the exposed skin there.

“Next time you pull a stunt like that, I’ll fucking kill you myself.” Billy says into his neck and Steve’s heart swells. It’s not quite an “I love you” but it sounds the same to him.

Steve rubs circles into his back until Billy stops shaking, turning his head just enough to press soft kisses into the side of Billy’s head.

“I better go,” Billy finally says, pulling back reluctantly and wiping his cheeks with the palms of his hands. Steve reaches up to wrap his hands around Billy’s wrists and pulls them down, slotting their fingers together and tilting his head to meet Billy’s gaze again.

“I love you, you know?” his voice shakes as he says it, and he’s terrified that it’s the wrong thing to say or the wrong time or maybe Billy doesn’t really feel the same way - but then Billy’s leaning forward and capturing his lips in a kiss that is both gentle and urgent. Steve presses into it, lets the happiness bubbling up inside of him spread across his lips in a smile as Billy lets go of his hands and cups his neck instead. The warmth from Billy’s hands reaches from Steve’s neck down into his chest as Billy softly nips at his upper lip.

When the monitor at Steve’s side starts beeping in alarm, he has half a mind to throw it across the room, but instead he follows Billy’s lips as he pulls back, earning one last peck for his efforts.

“Didn’t I already tell you visiting hours are over?” the nurse asks as she steps into the room again.

“I’m leaving, I’m leaving,” Billy stands up from the bed, throwing his hands up in mock surrender as he backs up toward the door. Steve musters up the best smile he can despite how desperate he feels to keep Billy here at his side.

“See you bright and early tomorrow, Harrington.” Billy croons, winking at Steve, the smile on his face so bright that it turns Steve’s insides to molten goo.

“See ya,” he says in a whisper, and then Billy’s gone.

Steve nervously leans back in his bed and watches as the nurse pulls back the sheets and checks his cast. He’d hardly noticed it until now, but there’s a dull ache where the cast is, and when he looks down he half expects to see bone and blood, but it’s all hidden away beneath layers of white plaster. She spends a few minutes examining the swelling around the cast, gives him instructions about icing it, and then covers it back up.

After upping his pain meds and making sure he knows where the call button is, she leaves the room, and Steve've alone once again. Memories from the Upside Down flitter across the backs of his eyelids when he closes his eyes, so he opens them again and reaches for the remote to turn the TV on, hoping for distraction. Before he's even hit the power button, though, the sound of static crackling disrupts the quiet of the room. He looks around, unable to tell where it's coming from.

"Steve?" says a muffled, nearby voice. He shifts in the bed, feeling something hard beneath his pillow, and reaches under it to find a walkie-talkie. He lifts it to his mouth and holds down the button.

"Dustin?" he asks.

"It's me,"  _Billy_.

"Hey," he says.

"I love you, too," Billy's voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, but there's no mistaking those words. Steve's heart bursts in his chest, cheeks flushing.

"Yeah?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Billy responds.  Steve can't help but smile as he settles back against his pillow and asks Billy to keep talking to him.

It's not quite the same as having Billy here, but it's enough to quiet the anxiety bubbling beneath his skin. Who knows what the Upside Down could throw at them next, but for now he'll count his wins - his bones are back where they belong on the  _ inside  _ of his body, and three is an incalculable number when it comes in the form of three particular words.

**Author's Note:**

> PS - Steve definitely woke up the next morning to find Billy and Dustin drawing dicks all over his cast... (¬‿¬)
> 
> Thanks for reading this mess!
> 
> As always kudos/comments are greatly appreciated.
> 
> (come say hey on the tumblrs if that's your thing - [blahblahblaharringrove](https://blahblahblaharringrove.tumblr.com/))


End file.
